I suppose when we watch comedy movies, it is the jokes we notice and remember most, not the props in the background. We take the setting and the perfect details for granted while we laugh at punchlines, or in case of tragedies, sob at the screen or maybe just fight our tears. We notice the obvious, but rarely the symphony of it; the fact that you might not be where you are now, reading my blog, if you had had something else you had to do. But you don't notice that, you notice the blog and its words. Not just "what is going on" but how it could even be going on in the first place - the other side of the story. Sometimes I think life is like a massive black comedy, and whatever deity is out there is laughing his, her or even its ass off at us as we clumsily dance to their absolutely bizarre symphony that we call "the world" and "life".
As it just so happened I lost my virginity on Christmas day - as it just so happened, my boyfriend and I both got thoroughly tested for STDs and both came out clean, only to be told two weeks later that we can't be tested for herpes and apparently we both have it now. James hung up the phone and looked at me, as I had already decyphered from his responses what the doctor had been telling him on the phone. And once I had uttered something along the lines of "so I guess you were a carrier" he burst into tears, walked out of the room and cried in the backyard, because he felt he had hurt me with his asymptomatic herpes he simply couldn't have been tested for. We had taken all precautions except condoms - we genuinely thought we'd been off the hook. But the hook was in our bed after all and we'd been sleeping on it. I like to crack bad jokes when I get bad news - that is how I deal with things. And so I imagined myself coming home and saying "nah I didn't bring you guys anything from Australia... unless you want herpes?" but James doesn't like bad jokes at bad times, and so I kept quiet while he beat himself up.
I walked out into the backyard and wrapped my arms around him while he cried. I found about a hundred ways to explain to him that it was okay - one in five people has herpes and the majority of them only has one or two outbreaks in their whole lives. I would rather have herpes than a broken heart - and I really, really would. And I know my boyfriend. I know that if he had known he was an asymptomatic carrier of herpes, he would have worn a condom for the rest of his life. He is a good man.
Yes, life knows all about irony. Herpes after a billion STD tests was a pretty good joke - almost as good as the joke where my boyfriend lives a 28 hour flight away from me, or the joke where I met my boyfriend because he was once best friends with a guy who broke my heart. But those are just the punchlines. The good stuff, the real good stuff, is in the little things. Where he treats me like a queen. Where losing my virginity was actually an extremely pleasant experience - contrary to my expectations. Even herpes can't take that away from me. If it wouldn't make people so damn uncomfortable, I'd crack herpes jokes all the time, but I realize I have a rather gross and disturbing sense of humor. The medication is working and my herpes symptoms should be gone in a week or two - in a week or six my boyfriend will be on a 28 hour flight from Australia to here, to come live with me for 3 months. A test indeed. He still can't handle herpes jokes, either.
But don't worry, I didn't open a new blog and invite you, just to have an outlet for herpes jokes. In fact I'll probably never mention it again as it's just an obvious punchline in life that really doesn't deserve more than one blogpost. I opened a new blog because I've gained a lot of life experiences I didn't have when I last blogged. Some experiences fantastic, others I wish I could undo, because I can be really, really stupid apparently. It's okay, I forgive myself. Most of the time. I wonder if Blogger will be as forgiving, once I start to write things down. I wonder if you will be. I've come to see new things from new sides, and I wonder if there are other sides to them. I'm afraid I'm becoming of an age where people get stuck. All my old friends utterly bore me. They all have their lives planned out. They moved back in with their parents to work only 3 days a week, lazy fucks. Or they have fulltime jobs and no more dreams. I feel like I'm the only child left - everyone else has become deeply uninspired. Maybe some reflecting in blogs will keep me from undergoing the same dull fate of thinking I've already figured it all out. I still feel like a kid, I still don't know all the answers, I still feel like I have so much to try and see, and I still like cracking herpes jokes. Even on the other side.
As it just so happened I lost my virginity on Christmas day - as it just so happened, my boyfriend and I both got thoroughly tested for STDs and both came out clean, only to be told two weeks later that we can't be tested for herpes and apparently we both have it now. James hung up the phone and looked at me, as I had already decyphered from his responses what the doctor had been telling him on the phone. And once I had uttered something along the lines of "so I guess you were a carrier" he burst into tears, walked out of the room and cried in the backyard, because he felt he had hurt me with his asymptomatic herpes he simply couldn't have been tested for. We had taken all precautions except condoms - we genuinely thought we'd been off the hook. But the hook was in our bed after all and we'd been sleeping on it. I like to crack bad jokes when I get bad news - that is how I deal with things. And so I imagined myself coming home and saying "nah I didn't bring you guys anything from Australia... unless you want herpes?" but James doesn't like bad jokes at bad times, and so I kept quiet while he beat himself up.
I walked out into the backyard and wrapped my arms around him while he cried. I found about a hundred ways to explain to him that it was okay - one in five people has herpes and the majority of them only has one or two outbreaks in their whole lives. I would rather have herpes than a broken heart - and I really, really would. And I know my boyfriend. I know that if he had known he was an asymptomatic carrier of herpes, he would have worn a condom for the rest of his life. He is a good man.
Yes, life knows all about irony. Herpes after a billion STD tests was a pretty good joke - almost as good as the joke where my boyfriend lives a 28 hour flight away from me, or the joke where I met my boyfriend because he was once best friends with a guy who broke my heart. But those are just the punchlines. The good stuff, the real good stuff, is in the little things. Where he treats me like a queen. Where losing my virginity was actually an extremely pleasant experience - contrary to my expectations. Even herpes can't take that away from me. If it wouldn't make people so damn uncomfortable, I'd crack herpes jokes all the time, but I realize I have a rather gross and disturbing sense of humor. The medication is working and my herpes symptoms should be gone in a week or two - in a week or six my boyfriend will be on a 28 hour flight from Australia to here, to come live with me for 3 months. A test indeed. He still can't handle herpes jokes, either.
But don't worry, I didn't open a new blog and invite you, just to have an outlet for herpes jokes. In fact I'll probably never mention it again as it's just an obvious punchline in life that really doesn't deserve more than one blogpost. I opened a new blog because I've gained a lot of life experiences I didn't have when I last blogged. Some experiences fantastic, others I wish I could undo, because I can be really, really stupid apparently. It's okay, I forgive myself. Most of the time. I wonder if Blogger will be as forgiving, once I start to write things down. I wonder if you will be. I've come to see new things from new sides, and I wonder if there are other sides to them. I'm afraid I'm becoming of an age where people get stuck. All my old friends utterly bore me. They all have their lives planned out. They moved back in with their parents to work only 3 days a week, lazy fucks. Or they have fulltime jobs and no more dreams. I feel like I'm the only child left - everyone else has become deeply uninspired. Maybe some reflecting in blogs will keep me from undergoing the same dull fate of thinking I've already figured it all out. I still feel like a kid, I still don't know all the answers, I still feel like I have so much to try and see, and I still like cracking herpes jokes. Even on the other side.
